Uwe Boll's "Alone in The Dark" is actually faring even worse than his prior effort, "House of The Dead" at the box-office. Many are chalking it up to the fact that films based on video games are never all that good or successful, but I find that theory has a fatal flaw: Hardcore gaming aficionados aside, no one has heard of this franchise, much less knows that it's a video game. My take: Only one film in a genre can be ultra-successful at a time, and every who went to their local theater this past weekend seeking a poorly-made, cliche-ridden horror film chose "Hide & Seek" instead.
Normally, this kind of bad "luck" in a row would kill a filmmaker's career, or at least wound it, robbing me of the "pleasure" of watching more of Boll's exercises in finely-crafted Perfect Awfulness. "Fortunately," Boll is no ordinary bad filmmaker... his next game-based actioner, "BloodRayne," is mostly-done and heading our way soon enough. In fact, the Movie Gods have already blessed us with a teaser-trailer that has me positively giddy with anticipation.
Click to download here (or right-click and "Save Target As" for Windows/MSIE users)
Based on yet another modestly-successful video game that no one was really aching to see turned into a film, "BloodRayne" is about a statuesque redhead vampiress who fights Nazis. Boll's film, on the other hand, takes place in the Middle Ages and purports to be an "origin story" for the heroine. Whatever. Kristanna Loken, (thats two n's and one k, as Google is no doubt sick of having to tell me,) the German model who you'll remember as "Terminator 3's" Terminatrix.
Me, I got my first look at her back in another video game-based arena, the defunct "Mortal Kombat" TV series. Now, after you watch that trailer and get a look at her in costume, take a look at her in costume from the TV show here:
Is it just me, or are the two "looks" just a little too similar?
"T3" I'm not so hot on, but it's made Loken a rising name, and as far as I'm concerned you can never have too many gorgeous models willing to squeeze into skimpy, fetishistic costumes for genre flicks. B-movie mainstays Michael Madsen and Michelle Rodriguez are fellow good guys, but the biggest (okay, 3rd biggest) reason to look forward to this is the simply inexplicable presence of Sir Ben Kingsley (no, seriously!) as the villian. I'm not kidding, he's in this, watch the trailer.
So if your like me, and you just can't get enough awful horror/action movies and/or girls in leather swinging swords at one another, this one could just be a dream come true...
P.S. MY dream involving Kristanna Loken, of course, already came true about a year back, when she made a new friend in pop singer Pink:
(ignore the title, it's a clean link)