...sucks balls. Another horror-remake misfire from Platinum Dunes, the cadre of Michael Bay cronies who've already blown it with Texas Chainsaw and The Hitcher.
I dunno what movie everybody else on the web has seen. MINE had a decent prologue and a couple of nice boobs, but the rest? Pure shit. The kills are lame, uncreative and shockingly bloodless. The cast of victims-to-be are broad and unlikable even for THIS franchise. And since fucking WHEN is Jason Vorhees a ninja? Not only can this character we're told is a shambling, mentally-handicapped hulk scramble up a bulding like Jason Bourne, he's a crack-shot archer and a master of electrical-espionage. And why the hell does JASON, of all movie-monsters, need his own Batcave secret lair? That's like if The Wolfman had a helicopter.