Friday, May 01, 2009

X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Short version: This movie is dogshit. Nothing interesting happens, the screenplay is wall-to-wall formula, the action scenes are tepid, the whole production is shoddy and cheap-looking, the surprises are nonexistant, the acting is universally terrible. It's almost a perfect-disaster... a COMPLETE waste of time.

Ohterwise, let's take care of this in bullet-list form, because I'm too tired and annoyed to write flowery paragraphs.

- ALL the stuff that might be interesting: Wolverine's actual age, his birth name, his original identity, his real relationship to Victor "Sabretooth" Creed? His service in the Civil War, WWI, WWII and Vietnam? That's all zipped-through in the opening credits; about 5 to 10 minutes total. Rest of the film is a series of boring action scenes expanding on stuff we were already told in the first two (good) X-Men movies.

- For the record: It's every bit as bad as X3, probably much worse in some respects.

- Yes, there's lots of famous Mutants running around in the margins, but almost no one gets named or nicknamed. It's just weak fanservice to try and distract said fans from how shitty the movie is.

- Speaking of fans... holy shit, Marvel is going to be appologizing and/or "it wasn't us"-ing to Deadpool fans for YEARS after this. I can't remember the last time I saw a character THIS abused in a franchise film.

- The "explanation" for Wolverine's eventual amnesia is just about the dumbest thing thats ever been introduced into the X-Men movies, and I'm including the mutant-making machine in #1.

- Memo to Hugh Jackman: If you can't muster the enthusiam to act-in OR produce WELL a "Wolverine"/"X-Men" movie, step aside. I know, I know, every big actor needs a foundation to hold up the less profitable stuff he REALLY wants to do and Wolverine is the only character you've ever had boxoffice success with but... sorry, you're lack of interest is showing and you've produced and starred-in an utter turkey.

- It genuinely pains me to say this, but: Let this be the end of it. Fox clearly has no ability or inclination to make a good film in this series with a Bryan Singer around to steer the ship, so let it end now. Don't bother with further "origins" films, because it's now clear that they will suck. Let it go, let it die and hopefully let the rights revert back to Marvel who MIGHT be able to salvage this dead weight. Too bad, too.... TWO of these movies were friggin' great.


EDIT: By now, almost everyone has heard about the "multiple bonus scenes" business, i.e. that the final "stinger" scene after the credits differs from screen to screen (NOT the short scene that comes in the middle of the ending credits.) MOST people are seeing an ending setting up Wolverine being in Japan for the sequel (which at this point I'd be really surprised to see happen) but SOME prints are running with an alternate bit that's supposed to mitigate the (literal and figurative) butchering of Deadpool. The Deadpool stuff was, I'm told, NOT on the leaked work-print, so how much ya wanna bet THAT'S the "scenes that needed to be finished"?

12 comments:

Jabrwock said...

Wow. Wolverine got Boll'd...

Yaseen (Enraged Deadpool fan) said...

Spoilers BelowHOW CAN YOU HAVE THE 'MERC WITH A MOUTH' IF HE DOESN'T HAVE A MOUTH?

And did they just scrap the whole cancer part of Deadpool's character? How do they explain his disfigurement (outside of the mouth being sewed) without him having cancer. Yeah, they didn't finish the treatment, but why did they (Stryker and co) deliberately screw up his face.

I'm an enraged Deadpool fan, if you couldn't tell...

Spoilers Above

tyra menendez said...

wow: i've never heard (uwe) boll used as a verb, before.
i don't want to rub anyone's face in it -or the wrong way, but i said this thing would be bad, the moment i saw the trailer. too much stuff, not enough movie.
with the comics, the stories of wolverine's birth name, service in several wars, time in japan and induction into the way of the samurai, and induction into the weapon x program where all told over several years. hell, decades.
i figure they wanted to rush everything in, because of fear they wouldn't get another chance, instead of just taking their time and only truncating slightly over two or three movies. this might have been impossible, due to jackman losing interest, but even one or two really good movies would have made fans happier than trying to cram it all into one.
and why cast ryan rynolds, if you're not going to let him be funny? like as hannible king.

ok, rant over.

Euler d'Moogle said...

That was deadpool? And here I was about to say the movie wasn't that bad, just shallow. Now I need to find a burning torch and join the mob storming the castle.

Ghostmayhem said...

Somehow, I saw this coming.
I suppose I just hoped I was wrong.

Ah, well, at least the game's good.
;-)

Anonymous said...

In a small 'saving grace', one of the alternate endings screened in theaters somewhat salvages the whole deadpool thing. But yeah, meh overall.

Mark said...

damn. i enjoyed the first two x-men films...

weirdaljedifan2 said...

I just have one thing to say. Who was the idiot that came up with Adumantium bullets? It doesn't make sense.

Thomas Layton said...

Hey Bob, was reading this out of curiosity and got the sense from it you thought that maybe someone else is better suited to playing Wolverine than Hugh Jackman (obvious bias as I'm an Australian), but if so, who?

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