Saturday, February 19, 2011

Watch an actress read awful dialogue from the new "Wonder Woman"

io9 has footage of actress Tanit Phoenix auditioning for David E. Kelley's "Wonder Woman" TV show (the role has ultimately gone to Adrianne Palicki.) The results seem to confirm many folks' worst fears about what a superheroine reimagined by the creator of the noxious "Ally McBeal" would sound like. Watch on, if you dare. My impressions, after the jump...

In the sequence in question, Diana is critiquing a new run of Wonder Woman action-figures; with subsequent dialogue explaining that merchandising the WW "brand" (hence the "corporate CEO side-job) is how she funds her superhero operation. So, yeah... a multimillion dollar prime-time network TV project from one of the most successful writer/producers in the business based on a 70 year-old property has borrowed the entirety of it's "new hook" from a defunct Adult Swim series.

The "humor" of the bit is Diana being annoyed that the dolls are wearing an older version of her outfit instead of the one she wears now (which she feels is "a tad more appropriate") because the "more iconic" one sells better. So... take this as pretty close to confirmation that they'll be using something akin to the godawful "modernized" uniform from Straczynski's current run, and taking cheap-shots at the original-iteration for good measure. "Ho ho! Isn't this source-material stupid? Aren't you thankful we clever TV writers have been able to rebuild it into something good? Success!"

SIDEBAR: Listen to this dialogue, then google up some of the Adam West "Batman" for an excellent comparative-demonstration of "affectionate parody" versus "I'm too good for this genre" smugness.

Finally, since "strong" leading-women on TV only come in two flavors - "Humorless Hardass" ("The Good Wife") or "Bucket Of Insecurities" ("Grey's Anatomy," "Brothers & Sisters") - she get's a mini-monologue about how insecure she feels because the dolls have nicer breasts than she does. Because when you picture an immortal superhuman Amazon, the first scenario that leaps to mind is crying into her Ben&Jerrys about her cup-size.

Well, so much for that.

32 comments:

bee.z.ness said...

Wow.... I... Uh.... Wow

Jacob Beck said...

God help us all.

RestamSalucard said...

Death is too good for all involved.

akkuma420 said...

oh well...
Just another show I won't be watching.

Popcorn Dave said...

Ooff... that looks like it will be painful to watch. Ally McWonderWoman indeed...

Display Name said...

Then they came for Wonder Woman,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a Wonder Woman fan.



Dang, Bob. You should have warned me that it would cause my ears to bleed. "Big tits save lives"? Seriously? SERIOUSLY?

Ugh. And I'm not even a Wonder Woman fan.

rob said...

Kinda sounds like Watchmen too, wasn't there a scene with Ozymandias inspecting ctionfigures?

ZAENGO said...

@rob yeah, its kinda similar to watchmen, but watchmen didnt have a monolouge where adrian veidt complained that the action figure had a bigger junk than he did.

this is as bad as "the blur" in smallville.

Lucas Neumann said...

Well I laughed, not at the obious way Kelley thinks of women, since he can only write se same female character over and over again (given that he tries to make them different by given the superficial traits).

But because I'll get to see a writer thinking that if he gives insecurity issues to a super woman that's supposed to be a goddess (I know she's not, nerd down people) the said writer thinks he will be edgy to humanize that character. Hilarious!

But to be honest, Wonder Woman never had that much of character development, and is a freaking bore. Seriously, does anyone cares about Wonder Woman... at all?

Christopher said...

Our heroine, ladies and gentlemen, obsessing over her breasts like a twelve year old girl!!

Seriously, Wonder Woman shouldn't be making boob jokes! This isn't Power Girl!!

How do you honestly try to write a television series and not have a shred of respect for your source material? If the writers don't care, then why should I?

Oh, and lets not forget: We had an opportunity for a Wonder Woman film directed by Joss Whedon and written by Gail Simone (the comic writer who wrote for Wonder Woman before the TERRIBLE JMS run).

Joe said...

I guess that scene could be seen as a Take That against certain comic book fans (or the common perception of them), but that doesn't make it any better.

The Fedora'd Samurai said...

Ugh, you know, I was all for getting the girl some new threads since I couldn't see a feature movie where the main heroine is wearing a one piece armor. But that new thing is just atrocious. Wouldn't it be more appropriate for warrior armor or something? Battle kilt, maybe pauldrons. Not the stuff from Ghost rider's cross dressing phase.

Hiding behind "Harmondale" said...

The second she started talking about her breasts being too small I just turned it off, I couldn't bare to listen...

Awful

Novice said...

HbH quoted my brain. Ick.

akkuma420 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
akkuma420 said...

@Lucas
ALOT of people "care" about WW.
She is a famous icon in the golden age of comic books.
The fact that she is getting this kind of treatment is what is so disappointing.
Directors portraying her as the exact opposite of what she is supposed to be and stand for.
It's very disheartening.
Had a feeling it was gonna end this way.

Nick said...

AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!

RestamSalucard said...

@akkuma420 Wait, now this is starting to sound like a Metroid discussion.

Christopher said...

Man this is just godawful, sorry Wonder Woman

Arturo said...

If the world gets to see more than a single season of this, someone. must. pay.

akkuma420 said...

@RestamSalucard
lol... no no no... not going there.
I just think that WW has had PLENTY of time to develop herself as what kind of person/character she is and what she stands for/morals are.
Personally, I don't see cup size being one of her main concerns.
I dunno, maybe I worded my last comment wrong, but yea, was not intending to get into THAT subject. haha.

munchie64 said...

Come on guys, it can't be THAT bad can it.....
*watches video*
OH DEAR GOD NO!

Chris Cesarano said...

I was never interested in Wonder Woman, but as an advocate of geek culture crossing into the mainstream, this is an awful thing to witness.

I really hope part of this is just the actress. The line "I wish I had these breasts" sounds to me like it should be delivered in a manner that a guy might say "Yeah dude, I wish I had a bigger penis, but you use what God gave ya, y'know?" sort of casual tone, rather than the ...well, way she says it.

Though I find it funny that the actress's breasts are hefty enough. Any larger and a practical crime-fighting super-heroine would more likely be thinking "God know, those are impractical to fight crime with" or something, back problems, etc.

God, just so awful. I mean, for being a CEO, her complaints didn't at all sound like the complaints a CEO would drive at.

To play Devil's Advocate, I actually like the new Wonder Woman outfit. I find the old one to be a cheesy product of its time.

Smashmatt202 said...

All I can say is, this show better be canceled. FAST! Like, after the first episode fast!

Lucas Neumann said...

The thing is that Akuma, WW is more like a symbol, a part of the DC's holy trilogy alongside Batman and Superman, but unlike those two, she doesn't really have the strong character development and interesting personality. I'm sure she does have some good stories, but overall and counting her villains, she's just not that good. I'm sorry if I offended any WW fan here, but that's how I fell about her.

Anyways, I finally saw the light friends, I take back everything I said aout Kelley. The man is a voice of a generation e we couldn't see the true genious behind that script. But it's clear as the sun, if there's breasts included in any dialogue in the DC universe, it can only mean one thing.... Power Girl.

And I dare one say with a straight face that he doens't want to see a live action Power Girl cameo???

john said...

Man, I don't even have any attachment to the character, but in what universe does it make sense for an adaptation to not only ditch things that the fans of the original like, but actively diss them? Cripes. Reminds me of Michael "Transformers is stupid, which is why I'm making a movie about it" Bay.

kevmon1116 said...

Makes me feel like I'm watching the 90's live action Justice League Pilot. While being kicked in the balls.
Seriously, this show will die in a week if the fans have any say.

CraftyAndy said...

"As we discussed earlier, in this TV series Wonder Woman has two alternate identities: Diana Prince is also Diana Themyscyra, head of Themyscyra enterprises — basically a female Tony Stark. She runs the company and the whole world knows that she is crime fighting as Wonder Woman on the side. Which means one thing: merchandising!"

Ok from what I've seen from the Wonder Woman movie (you know the one you didn't watch because it's cartoons and cartoons arefor queers, fuckers.) and all the other DC related films and tv series. I don't care what it's like in the comics now this is not fucking wonder woman to me. I think the Amazons would of disowned her for selling her crime fighting persona.

Curtis said...

Ripping off Frisky Dingo isn't so bad, but seeing Diana caring about her appearance is just wrong

Will said...

Am I really the only one who doesn't hate WW's new costume (and did think the old one, while iconic, was still pretty silly)?

Then again, I don't think it matters because if this show lasts longer episode three I'll be shocked,

Craig M said...

Leather jackets, black tights, and bondage straps an iconic costume, a "wondrous" costume does not make. Yet, I'll take the HORRIBLE comic's reboot in a heartbeat over this travesty.

It is even worse than the "Catwoman" movie -- at least Selina Kyle was acknowledged, but this is everything that is NOT Wonder Woman. Even if Hippolyta sculpted her with smaller than Western Society's idea of perfect breasts, she wouldn't whine about them. She wouldn't think her outfit wasn't "appropriate," nor binge on ice cream at a pajama party moping over a guy (as script details have suggested). This is like a parody created by a man who has a distorted view of a woman, warrior or not.

How would this WW be inspiring? Especially young girls. I think Gloria Steinem, Gail Simone and Trina Robbins and George Perez and so forth should speak out. This is far from a liberated "wonder" woman.

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