Wednesday, April 06, 2011

4/6/11: The Day of UnBeckoning

Glenn Beck and Fox News will "transition" his nightly TV show off the air later this year; a move that is expected to leave a gaping hole in the evening viewing schedules of the ignorant, the hyperreligious, the clinically-paranoid and Rachel Maddow's research staff. (Seriously - MSNBC is going to be like Patton without a Rommell now...)

To my Conservative readers: Don't be scared. I know being on your own can be scary at first, but Glenn helped you to grow up big and strong. No, it won't be exactly the same without him; but even though Glenn is gone Obama's intimidating complexion and suspiciously foriegn-sounding name will be as scaaaary as ever - just wait and see! It's the natural order of things that, when you're ready, it's time to leave the nest, spread your wings and fly free... in time, if you learned your lessons well, you'll settle down and develop irrational, paranoid delusions of your very own.

To my Liberal readers: Congratulations, guys! Now get on down to the Whole Foods and stock up on exotic cheese and fair-trade olives for your last-episode-watching party! I'll bring the Moscato if you bring the sprouts...

To my incidentally-political College-attending readers: Today's the day, bro! Go call up that hot activist chick from your Sociology class so you can "celebrate" you guys doing YOUR part to bring this about - like all those links to his radio show you sent to Media Matters, which totally must've helped put this over the edge ;)


James said...

Penn Jillette needs his own talk show. He'd be able to cut through the bullshit spewed by Beck and his ilk.

Kent said...

If he's off the air maybe he'll entertain a bid for president. Or maybe serve as VP for Palin or Bachman

Dave said...

Is there any news as to why he's gone? It can't be that he's too crazy for fox news. Bill O reilley doesn't know how the tides work for fuck's sake.

The Karligarchy said...

What would you say to your "Libertine" viewers?

Reverend Allan Ironside said...

Comparing MSNBC to Patton? Dude...WTF?

Sarge said...

He's leaving so his production company can managed more shows on Fox.

Beck is going to be more omnipresent than ever. You stopped reading your newsfeed far to quickly.

TheAlmightyNarf said...

Good fucking riddance.

Waldo said...

What about for your international readers who have absolutely no idea who on earth Glen Beck is and what on earth you are talking about?

Reverend Allan Ironside said...

Yeah, Sarge is right. What's with the celebration? Beck isn't going anywhere and he's certainly not going out of the public eye.

Samuel said...

If you listen to the spin, Glen wasn't fired, it's an "opportunity." If you read between the lines however, it's likely because he's been bleeding advertisers left and right, to the point where he's become more of a liability than an asset. Murdoch and Ailes may have no sense of decency to speak of, and don't really give a damn how batshit crazy Nostradumbass gets, but when it affects their bottom line, they tend to pay attention.

I would watch that show like you have no idea ^_^

Gamecase said...


Gillette actually did have a radio talk show here in new york for about a summer. He talked a lot about jazz and being in the entertainment industry,I'd welcome him back to the airwaves in an instant.

genguidanos said...

The Rand Corporation ... in connection with .... The Saucer People ... under the supervision of ... The Reverse Vampires ... are FORCING Glen Beck off of television, in fiendish plot to eliminate the meal of dinner! ... We're through the looking glass here people....

kevmon1116 said...

"I have learned more in the last two years than I have learned in any two-year period in my life, maybe any 10-year period in my life." -Glenn Beck on doing the show.
When you think about it, that just makes his entire life seem even more pathetic.

Beck may not be gone, but hopefully this is a first step to making him fall of the map for a while. It only takes one push to got the ball rolling.

Mathew Benness said...

Meh, political TV idiots are like Hydra, cut off one head, two more take it's place. There will be maybe a one/two week gap, then some new moron will take his place

argryliberal said...

@The Libertines

Eat, Fuck and be merry, you hedonistic fuck.

Ho, ho, where's my lube?

Chris Cesarano said...

Years ago I first heard Glenn Beck talk, around when I started to become more of a moderate/libertarian. I actually liked his stuff. So as people started making fun of him I tried to stick up for the guy.

But he's just gone bat-shit crazy. I feel like there's no one out there who speaks my language politically anymore. All the conservative radio hosts are alarmists fuck twits, and all the liberals are, well, asshole liberals who have their heads so far up their asses they've learned to eat their own shit over and over again.

Which is pretty much why I avoid politics and play my video games. Anyone worth listening to isn't loud enough to be heard, and anyone loud enough to be heard needs to be deported to somewhere else that deserves some real damage.

Anonymous said...

Does this mean you'll finally stop bitching about him?

Anonymous said...


Please, the Left always needs their demons.

Bush is gone?


Palin gone, Koch Brothers!

They always need their boogieman to pin all of what is wrong with the world instead of their fucked up policies.

"But...but...we meant well!"

Arman said...

Amen to that long string of letters and numbers!

My opinion. I liked the guy. Didn't agree with him 100% of the time. Found him embarrassing at times. But hell, he gave liberals aneurysms and anything that makes the left miserable is a plus for me. Anybody who becomes the American liberals hate most should feel honored.

Now lets wait and see who the liberals pick to be their next punching bag.

Nathan said...

Personally, my only interaction with Mr. Beck came from when The Daily Show would talk about it. I thought he had some good ideas, or advice, but, the fear of being thought of as THAT crazy kind of pushed me away. Otherwise, I might of given the guy a chance. I wouldn't say that he's Rommell to Maddow's Patton, though. More like, he and Alex Jones are in the same pod, fighting the same war from different sides. Hopefully, Mr. Beck finds some other outlet to keep fighting the good fight.

Nick said...

It's a shame, his gibbering insanity provided Stewart and Colbert with some of their best material.

It's doubly sad that Stewart's parody of Glenn Beck was more coherent and convincing than anything the real Glenn Beck ever said.

Arman said...

I don't think its fair to lump Alex Jones and Beck in the same category. Jones is a brand of crazy all to his own.

But lefties, Beck didn't get fired. He decided to leave to pursue other ventures. If I were you, I'd be afraid. Be very afraid :p

Nick said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nick said...

Well, I'm certainly not "afraid." But I don't find him particularly rage-inducing either, I just thought he was kind of... sad.

You know those scenes in A Beautiful Mind where Russell Crowe is convinced that there are coded Soviet messages in magazines and newspapers, and he starts clipping out stuff and "decoding" it, when it's obvious that there's really nothing there?

Yeah, that's what Glenn Beck's show reminded me of. Especially when he brought out the chalkboard.

David said...

Faithful fan of TGO and your Escapist reviews for upwards of a year now, first time commenting on your blog:

Glenn Beck is a guy who has views and ideals that I can really get behind.
Glenn Beck is funny and entertaining and people who spend so much time ripping on him make themselves sound like jackasses.
Glenn Beck also has a handful of views and ideals that are weird and crazy, that I absolutely cannot get behind.
Which makes all the people who rip on him sound pretty correct, too.
Glenn Beck is smart and insightful.
Glenn Beck, 15% of the time, talks out of his ass.
Glenn Beck is a celebrity I love, but have to kick his face in every now and then.

Take every single one of the above sentences, replace "Glenn Beck" with "Moviebob", and it'd still be completely true. To me, you are both so incredibly the same.

But I still am a much bigger fan of you, because I'm interested in movies and games way more than politics.

Smpoza said...

I like how people are complaining that the left "unfairly" picks on people like Beck and Pailin; I'd say it's like how archers "unfairly" shoot at things with giant targets on them. I just want them to know that if the left ever gets anyone who:

-"jokes" about poisoning congresspeople while doing so on air

-shoots wolves from helicopters for fun/overcompensation (a helicopter? really?)

-has a downs-syndrome child and uses her incredible ability to tell things to people not to spread information or ask for aid in fighting the disease, but instead demanding cuts for the exact programs people like her kid need

-advises a graduating college class to "shoot to kill"

-Genuinely believes that if the Southern states united, they could defeat the US government

-Genuinely believes that the southern states should unite and overthrow the US government

-feels that Communism-total government control and elimination of the private sector-is the radical left, and that fascism-dictatorial, military heavy government that closely cooperates with corporations rather than eliminating them-is also the radical left

-has a daughter who made ludicrous amounts of money plugging abstinence while being proof that it doesn't work and then getting outraged, OUTRAGED, that anyone dare use her as an example of why the policy is ridiculous

-becomes so laughably ridiculous they are best remembered as awesome SNL/Daily Show sketches, respectively

-thinks that it was Sputnik, not the basic idea of communism and communal farming in particular, that destroyed the Soviet Union

-didn't know that there were two Koreas until becoming a vice-presidential candidate

-still uses a chalk board when white boards are superior in just about every way

that they absoultely have the right to mock the shit out of them. Until then, I guess you'll have to make do with that guy who got a blowjob one time and the black man with the funny name. Totally worse than borderline sedition.

Reverend Allan Ironside said...

I personally love how Beck's detractor's are the first to fire off blanketing statements.


And then they prove this theory by tucking their hands into the crotches of the pants and running away in a silly fashion. I may not be the sharpest bulb in the knife drawer, but I could sit here and rattle off actual reasons for not liking particular political or television personalities before ending them with the phrase "And THAT is why I think they're crazy." I always thought other people were intelligent enough to do the same, but sadly, humanity fails me more often than not.

Well, Archer just got renewed for a third season, so the human race isn't completely lost. There's always some hope worth clinging to.

Nick said...

@ Rev. Ironside: You want me to go into details on why I think Glenn Beck is insane? Okay then.

My first complaint is with the classic right-wing trick of saying, "I'm not saying X, but..." and then saying X. Remember that meme about, "I'm not saying Glenn Beck raped and murdered a little girl in 1990, but isn't it odd that he's never simply denied it?" That's what I'm talking about. The purpose of this trick is to associate the person he's talking about with this wild charge, while still leaving himself a little weasel-out route where he can just say, "I just said I didn't really SAY he's guilty!" Right-wing pundits pull cheap tricks like this all the damn time in order to stir up fear in their viewers without actually opening themselves up to response (and yeah, yeah, if you browse Google search results for 15 hours you can find a few examples of left-wing pundits doing it too... although with what passes for "left-wing" in America...), and I am sick of it.

And my second complaint: Cheap buzzword-planting tricks like that seemed to be the only thing he ever did. Granted, I wasn't exactly a regular viewer, so maybe I just watched him on some "off nights," but it seemed to me his entire schtick was to make wild baseless accusations in such a way that nobody could form any kind of coherent logical retort to anything he said. You can't rebuke someone who isn't saying anything concrete enough to qualify as refutable.

I think Glenn Beck's only purpose was to yank the Overton Window to the right, by spouting this hilariously insane drivel in order to make the rest of Fox News's spin doctors look more sane and moderate by comparison.