Glenn Beck and Fox News will "transition" his nightly TV show off the air later this year; a move that is expected to leave a gaping hole in the evening viewing schedules of the ignorant, the hyperreligious, the clinically-paranoid and Rachel Maddow's research staff. (Seriously - MSNBC is going to be like Patton without a Rommell now...)
To my Conservative readers: Don't be scared. I know being on your own can be scary at first, but Glenn helped you to grow up big and strong. No, it won't be exactly the same without him; but even though Glenn is gone Obama's intimidating complexion and suspiciously foriegn-sounding name will be as scaaaary as ever - just wait and see! It's the natural order of things that, when you're ready, it's time to leave the nest, spread your wings and fly free... in time, if you learned your lessons well, you'll settle down and develop irrational, paranoid delusions of your very own.
To my Liberal readers: Congratulations, guys! Now get on down to the Whole Foods and stock up on exotic cheese and fair-trade olives for your last-episode-watching party! I'll bring the Moscato if you bring the sprouts...
To my incidentally-political College-attending readers: Today's the day, bro! Go call up that hot activist chick from your Sociology class so you can "celebrate" you guys doing YOUR part to bring this about - like all those links to his radio show you sent to Media Matters, which totally must've helped put this over the edge ;)