Sunday, June 05, 2011

"Breaking Dawn" trailer



Well, I can give them this much: "montage of people getting wedding invitations, cut like a hugely-important epic thriller" is as good a visual representation of WHY this shit is so popular with it's audience as you're going to get...


...I'm weirdly thrilled that it looks as though they've filmmed the everything-shattering sex scene (only alluded to after the fact in the books) wherein a vampire supposedly made of marble-hard undead tissue with no blood or working organs somehow impregnates his human wife with a rapidly-aging telepathic Daywalker fetus. It'll be an utter tragedy if they try and "fix" Stephenie Meyer's godawful "Chris-Claremont-after-a-blow-to-the-head" approach to genre fiction and thus deny us a potential trainwreck-to-end-all-trainwrecks in the making.

17 comments:

existance said...

I love how to people who haven't read the books, or are fortunate enough to be unfamiliar with the the Twilight "saga", this trailer must seem as though they're making pregnancy look like a life-or-death situation.

Huggiesunrise said...

vampire baby..

Here hoping it pops out of her chest .. xenomorph style.

Arturo said...

That really is the biggest loophole in this whole thing:
If vampires are undead, they have no blood being pumped through them, shouldn't that mean that their organs don't work. Hell, doeasn't that mean that a male vampire can't even get an erection??

Robert said...

Yep. Looking forward to the revie....oh wait, Bob doesn't review Twilight movies, he just puts up videos defending the fact that these movies suck just because it has an underlying theme of abstinence.

There.

I just saved all of you a few minutes of your lives.
You don't have to thank me.

Anubis C. Soundwave said...

I dunno; it hasn't stopped Dracula from impregnating females (possibly Blade, Hellsing, Vampire Hunter D, Castlevania...).

Sofie Liv Pedersen said...

to take a guess this will be the most hilarious movie of the year.
I mean if this trailer in any indication.. I mean I was actually chuckling at this.
Oh no, big bad wedding invention.. So is there any badass villains in this saying cool stuff as. "You can't win, you can't ever win." and one of the heroes monologue something about. "Sometimes you got to take a stand, sometimes you need to be strong."

None of that? no.. kay.

Adam said...

@Robert

Actually he has reviewed at least two of the Twilight movies (I forget how many of the things have come out so far). You can find those reviews on the Escapist just like all the others.

Dave said...

@Adam: Robert was being facetious... read his comment again with the understanding that he's using a sardonic tone, and you'll [hopefully] get the point he's making.

Reading comprehension skills are such a beautiful thing...

@Everyone else: Having not cared enough to read the Twilight series, I started to watch the video oblivious to the fact that this was another Twilight movie..... up until the point where Jacob gratuitously rips his shirt off. Then I knew exactly what it was. The saddest thing is, that's pretty much all this film needed to successfully market itself...

Chris said...

[Nelson Muntz] HaHa, you're going to have to review that![/Nelson Muntz]

Jonny Pratt said...

As relieving as it is that there's only one movie left (after this one) they'll only go and replace it with something else. There's a bracket this shit now. We can either carry on complaining or we can cash in on it. There's plenty of other badass supernatural beings out there. For example:

CTHULHU
The kids at school don't understand me. I'm... too dangerous.

SUBMISSIVE TEENAGER
I'm am yours. Wrap your tentacles around me and make me your bitch

KevinCV said...

Sad thing is, my brother's wife will probably still want to see it, regardless of how bad it is. She likes Edward. Yet, when "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" came out, she was swooning over the dude who played Viktor Krum. A bit ironic, don't you think?

However, my brother did have the gumption to give her the first season of "Angel" on DVD for her birthday last year. He even went so far as to say "Here, honey. Some vampire fiction that's actually worthwhile." So, there might be some hope for her there. At least, I hope so.

@Jonny Pratt: Cracked has already got you beat there, buddy: http://www.cracked.com/blog/the-vampire-formula-what-women-see-in-them/

yamato-0 said...

not that I'm defending Twilight or anything, but haven't vampires alway been a sexual metaphor to begin with despite their undead status? Bob, I think you even pointed out this fact previously (I forget exactly which entry it was, but I think you were stating how Twilight fails for using vampires in a theme of abstinence in spite of their origins).

KevinCV said...

@yamato-0: Yes, I do believe vampires have been used as sexual metaphors in the past. It's kinda been ingrained into their mythos in recent years.

But the point MovieBob is making is that vampires being used as a metaphor for abstinence would be fodder for some pretty ingenious satire. The problem with "Twilight" is that Stephanie Meyer isn't joking around.

Also, don't even get me started on her epic failures to give a proper scientific explanation of how it's possible that Edward was able conceive a child with Bella in the first place. She could've saved herself a ton of explaining -not to mention making herself look less of a ditz than she already is- if she had simply invoked a variation on the "A Wizard Did It" trope. Too late now, I guess.

Every Second said...

Eh... I'm confused, why do vampires need weddings again?

Don't tell me these tween vampires need tax breaks.

lordy said...

Vampires as sex I'm pretty sure originally came from vampires as a metaphor for rape, and only more recently as being sexual themselves.


@Jonny Pratt
I would watch that film. In fact, Japan has probably already done that film.

Anubis C. Soundwave said...

Again, in several fictional universes, Dracula was able to sire progeny with humans.

Compared to all the other grievous problems with the Twilight "Saga", "how did Edward impregnate Bella?" seems kinda mundane....

james said...

There will be one good thing to come out of the Twilight saga after Breaking Dawn(s): NO MORE TWILIGHT MOVIES!!!