Saturday, August 13, 2011

Depp's "Lone Ranger" Would've Been a WEREWOLF MOVIE

Hardworking (seriously, click through - dude WORKS for his traffic) film blogger Jeffrey Wells of "Hollywood Elsewhere" has done the digging and come upon what the supernatural/fantasy angle was that made Disney's Bruckheimer-produced, Johnny-Depp-As-Tonto "Lone Ranger" project so expensive that the Mouse House pulled the plug yesterday: Whereas "Pirates of The Carribbean" (which this was being nakedly modeled after) featured Depp and company as pirates fighting ghosts and/or sea-monsters; "Ranger" would've featured it's Cowboy/Indian buddy-heroes battling Old West WEREWOLVES - thus adding a new explanation to the Ranger's signature Silver Bullets.

I'll give those who had previously felt like this project could not possibly sound any MORE like an "Onion" parody of everything tired, bad and wrong about the present-day blockbuster scene to compose themselves...

You should really go to Wells' site and read the whole thing, but it's pretty incredible sounding: Tonto would've been the main character, a sort of Qui-Gon Jin to the Ranger's Young Obi-Wan; showing him how to deal with native-mythology Lycans with shamanistic magic - hillariously, it was apparently a big deal to Depp that the Native American spirituality surrounding said werewolves be taken "very seriously."

11 comments:

DerekTheMagicDragon said...

I don't... I just... what!?

bigjkt said...

I believe it. That's probably why JD signed on to do it in the first place, he seems to really like movies a macabre angle in them.

Aiddon said...

Wow, after Depp's bad-streak of Alice, The Tourist, and Pirates 4, I could not believe my respect for him as an actor could keep sinking. He REALLY needs to get away from Gore Verbinski and Tim Burton

Sofie Liv Pedersen said...

..... I would have seen that movie...



Sigh, guys. You know what makes me the saddest about Disney?

For me, the strong point of Disney was when I could call it. "A mad house of inventive and creativity, made with such madness and nativity you can't help be like it."
Disney was genuinely a mad house ones, and that's what made it so great.

Today it seems like a company struggling to find its footing in a big world it doesn't quite understand. The mad part is sadly absent and they play everything as safe as they can. Trying to fit into a weird self mental image of "What we used to be." which just isn't true.

It makes me sad they wanted Depp to be the main so badly, why can't the movie just be about the ranger? It would have been called. "The lone ranger." right? And I would have watched that.. I don't know, is it even worth discussing now that it has been shut down?

And btw, after Depp showed up at an elementary school completely dressed up as Sparrow bringing a couple of exstra to aid a eight year old in the take-over of the school.
I can't have anything against the man himself, I just kind of wish more big starts who is a synonym with some beloved character would do stuff like that.

Will Ferrel showing up to comic con dressed as Megamind??? Stuff like that is awesome!

A. Ivan said...

Okay, completely irrespective of the "Lone Ranger" branding, that sounds awesome to me.

Mads said...

Disney is probably influenced by one steve jobs here...considering he has the largest single share of stock in the company, that would make sense.

Brother bear has a very weird premise, but it worked out very well. The premise of this film...sortof similar, but instead of banking on disneys ability to create something original, it would've banked on a trend.

I think it was shot down because betting on depp and werewolves in the 11th hour is too late. Noone knows when these movies will stop making money, but it could be any day now. Try to hit the next trend before it happens and all that.

I must admit, I would possibly still have watched it, but I think we're really at the point where people will no longer look to character archetypes when deciding whether or not to watch a movie.

Cowboy, ninja, pirate, viking, vampire, werewolf, zombie, alien...those were all awesome in the year 2005. It seems like the natural extension is to go into more depth with the characters, and establish more drama. Cut down on the action, put more effort into buildup.

True Grit worked magnificently in that regard, but considering this movie was cut, it probably did not tend towards a similar structure and ideal.

Dave from canada said...

No part of that description sounded anything less than awesome.

I mean, granted, after Cowboys vs aliens, the Sci-western isn't the strongest, but that has premise.

Cowboys fighting supernatual creatures? It would be like firely and buffy in one show. It could have bee especially cool if they used the period setting to use myth accurate depictions fo the creatures involved. Hell, you coudl even have the sequel fighting vampires...or aztec mummies or something.

Why is this not already a thing?

john said...

Just remember this one thing: the yetiglanchi sleeps nose-to-anus. Obsoluttly fussinading!

RocMegamanX said...

From what I remember researching, weren't Green Hornet and Lone Ranger created by the same guy(George W. Trendle)? And since Green Hornet strayed from the source material, wouldn't this be another "Green Hornet" "fiasco"?

And funny how you mentioned "Native American" and "lycanthropy" in the same thread, because...eh-heh...I'm starting to think of Jacob Black from Twilight. Why did the premise of "Native American werewolves" have to remind me of Twilight?

David (The Pants) said...

Looks like we dodged a silver bullet.

CraftyAndy said...

That would of been a hell of a lot more entertaining then a generic western. Fuck you disney don't you have a line of straight to video movies you can always sell? Or just re-release Lion king again oh wait.