Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Two Minutes and Thirty Seconds of Pain

It's been a good couple of days for Tarem Singh; as his "Immortals" - despite having no major stars and an R-rating - opened in first place ahead of presumed boxoffice-frontrunner "Jack & Jill." But now, the trailer for his follow-up "Mirror, Mirror" (set to be the first of next year's two competing Snow White movies to reach screens) has debuted and threatens to blast all that good will to smithereens; thanks to one of the all-time unstoppable forces of movie-sucktitude:

Julia Roberts.



The principal difference between this and "Snow White & The Huntsman" is tone: They're both dropping most of the workload onto a celebrated "actress of a certain age" in a broad villain turn versus a neophyte actress, and both are positioning the heroine as an action girl, but otherwise they're different beasts - "Huntsman" is aiming for LOTR-style high-fantasy, while this wants very (very!) badly to be "Shrek."

That's not necessarily a bad pitch, and I don't hate the idea of reworking the princess/wicked-queen relationship from vanity to romantic rivalry... but wow, does Roberts look awful in the part. She's not a terrible actress, but she's never been especially GOOD and the stuff asked of her here - physical comedy, mugging, some kind of unplaceable campy accent - is waaaaay the hell outside of her limited skillset. This looks like a disaster, though not necessarily an unprofitable one given that it'll be first to the gate.

13 comments:

Axle said...

"presumed boxoffice-frontrunner 'Jack & Jill.'"

I am having a hard time taking that notion seriously.

Drunken Lemur said...

Oh good, the perfect time to mention Tarsem's desire to do the Samurai Jack movie. Thoughts, Bob? Personally I think he'd be at least the most interesting choice, visually at least.

Anonymous said...

Heh, Julia Roberts doing a half-rate Helena Bonham Carter impression. This looks horrible. Luckily Huntsman looks like it could be a solid B-minus, which is about as much as I could expect from its concept.

The Pants said...

Pre-watching the trailer: That still alone makes me afraid to play this.

Post-watching the trailer: What? Meh.

Peter S. said...

http://tinyurl.com/6xenynk

Huh... on one hand, this looks like it could be kinda cool. Sort of a "Princess Bride" for this generation type thing only in slightly more conventional trappings. Though I seriously doubt it'll be anywhere close to The Princess Bride, it could still be a fun, tongue-in-cheek type fairy tale that knows what it is and doesn't take itself too seriously. On the OTHER hand...

HOLY. SHT. What the hell is Julia Roberts even DOING? I don't think I've ever felt myself cringe more during a trailer just watching her... I refuse to call it "acting" so I'll just say performance. On top of that, most of the humor was unbearably forced and fell flat on its face ("Sno-way!") Ugh... I agree Bob, this more than likely won't end well.

Popcorn Dave said...

Daaaaaaaamn. Sometimes you see a trailer so horrible, all you can do is sit there in dumb disbelief and ask... "what were they thinking?!?!?1"

Joshua the Anarchist said...

Is it just me or are Tarsem's films getting less and less "weird" as he goes? The Cell was nonstop bizarre imagery, like a two hour Marilyn Manson video. The Fall was much more scaled back on the weirdness scale, but still featured many odd costumes & set pieces. Immortals, while beautiful, did not have much visually to distinguish it from 300. Now I look at this and there's almost nothing I can look at and go "never seen that before".

And admittedly, average to weak scripting has always been the weakness of Tarsem's otherwise excellent resume (I thought The Cell was a tad underrated myself), but looking at this, Julia Roberts' acting is the least of my worries. I mean, most marketing people in Hollywood, when marketing a comedy, tend to put the best jokes in the trailer, so unless their making the rare wise decision to hold back on us here...THESE were the jokes considered "best". At least Huntsman looks like a fun kind've stupid. A bad action movie can easily be fun stupid. A bad comedy is usually just painful.

Joshua the Anarchist said...

@Drunken Lemur
Wait...Tarsem wants to do a live action adaption of arguably the best animated series ever made? A series that already has a cinematic feel and in the right hands would translate perfectly to the big screen?

...HOW DID I NOT HEAR ABOUT THIS?! I mean, I kind've doubt it'll happen, but if it did HOLY SHIT! That could potentially be glorious!

Anonymous said...

Ive gotta be honest I thought the huntsman concept sounded horrible and stupid especially with Twilight girl at the head... But while its just one trailer, that trailer looked genuinely interesting. I'm sure it will turn out to be at best generic popcorn fun, that trailer really impressed me.

Aiddon said...

my eyes...it burns them!

Chris Cesarano said...

Oddly enough, I like the premise of Snow White fleeing the castle only to turn all Robin Hood.

But that execution is just...it's....man do I hate it.

I find it funny, actually, that both trailers spend a lot of time highlighting every actor and actress BUT the one playing Snow White. It's as if they are a mere side character in their own revised fairy tale.

Yeah Him said...

Welp, that trailer can never be unseen.

Alibi said...

Singh's doing the classic "One For Respect, One For The Check" thing now.