Sunday, March 18, 2012

The Transforming of Michael Bay

The assumption everyone had been working from re: Michael Bay and the "Transformers" movies was that he had MEANT it when he said he had no real interest in making movies based on an old toy property, and that he was only grudgingly taking the job(s) to build up the "fuck you money" that would let him get the projects he REALLY wanted to make off the ground. Even his surprise re-uppinng for "Transformers 4" had been understood as a condition to secure financing for the long-gestating "Pain & Gain."


But 3 sequels is a looooong time in Hollywood; and now itseems it might be worth asking: Has Michael Bay actually developed a "taste" for junk-culture nostalgia wanks? One can be forgiven for hoping he HASN'T, given how singularly ill-suited his sensibilities are for it, but the evidence is mounting. Remember that brief feeling of relief when it was confirmed that Bay would only be PRODUCING the "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" reboot, since that implied he wouldn't be all that involved? Well, it seems he's a more hands-on producer than people assumed: Apparently he's had a hand in the new film's reworked storyline... and fans aren't likely to be pleased with his new vision:

The Turtles are now Aliens. Yup. That'll go over real well...

18 comments:

KevinCV said...

I have four little words about that: FUCK. YOU. MICHAEL. BAY.

I'd say more, but it'd delve into tl;dr territory, and I have not got the patience for that at the moment.

Joshua the Anarchist said...

.....

*blinks*

ANTI-LIFE JUSTIFIES MY HATE! MY RAGE!

*coughs*

Ahem, sorry about that.

Anyway, why are they still calling it Teenage MUTANT Ninja Turtles...if they're no longer mutants? Kinda misleading, isn't it?

Taylor said...

Meh, honestly, I'm over TMNT. I grew up with them, I had the toys, I loved them, but I'm now an adult who can look back and tell the difference between a show of real quality that I watched as a kid and is still worthy of respect (Batman:TAS, Gargoyles) and a show that was a cheap, crappy extended toy commercial (TMNT, Transformers)

Steven said...

Michael Bay "You know I always really hated nerds in high school, you know the sad pathetic guys into cartoons and comics. So when after making some popular action films I was given the opportunity to make some big summer blockbusters based on those kind of property's, I jumped at the chance as I knew it would REALLY piss those nerds off and even better yet make me tons of money. Really how could a fucking douchebag like me say no."

Tom said...

It seems more likely to me that Michael Bay was just winging it. He has no idea what the TMNT are and just assumed that they must be aliens.

Anonymous said...

I always find it funny when people throw fits over the latest franchise revision getting heaps of scorn for every last deviation from the sacred original. It's as though quality is gauged not by its own merits as a narrative, but by the accuracy of the stitches on the concept and alignment of camera angles to comic frames.

At the same time, though, the works that get this treatment are already trash in their very concepts (please don't pretend mutant turtles or million year old giant robots are high art) and all they have going for them is childhood nostalgia. They're unsalvageable without just making something else, so really, the proper response would be to completely embrace all the flaws and idiosyncrasies of the original.

Michael Bay does not get this.

James Hammett said...

@Taylor

you do know that TMNT existed long before the saturday morning cartoon right? they were the original comic book deconstruction. as for the transformers... yeah the old stuff wasnt that great, but someone cared about it and started writing good stories for it. just because they sold toys for it doesnt mean that it can be nothing greater.

@anon-above-me
fail troll is fail.

Mildra: The RPG Monk said...

.....
......
nope, still better than the Palladium TMNT game.

Brendan said...

I think it's as simple as this:

No, Michael Bay doesn't like these old toy franchises. He probably considers them really stupid. Michael Bay does, on the other hand, like money. And if he's going to do these things for the money anyway, he figures he might as well bring them more into line with what he thinks is cool. After all, if it's all stupid kids stuff anyway, who cares what he changes? After all, he did whatever the hell he felt like with Transformers, and people paid to see those movies hand over fist.

T4_was_here said...

Whats next? A Biker Mice from Mars movie where they are mutated labrats.
Or a Street Sharks movie where they are magic gansters.
Man I hope even the "public" hate on this, because even my grandma know the orgin of the Turtles.
This won't fly.
Plus the the best part of Turtles is the comics, always has been.
Followed by the toys.

Anonymous said...

Mr Bay, please sit down. Thank you. This is an intervention. No, don’t run, stay. This is important.

Mr Bay, it has become popular hating you, and I will not act as if my...displeasure at your transformers movies from the standpoint of a geek and sci-fi fan is a unique thing. Whats that? You are amazed that I went to see your transformers movies in their opening week despite hating them? Oh ho ho, Mr Bay, please. We both know that I didn’t see your movie in opening week. Neither did all the rest of my brothers in the geek community. We pirated the living hell out of those movies. Those who did were the, shall we say, less invested moviegoers, who saw an opportunity for explosions and cg galore.

I want to make this point clear, so that you understand my next one: We, the actual fans of these franchises you are now touching so inappropriately, don’t want you here. And the people who DID like your take on transformers would have been just as happy with a new Bad Boys movie. In fact, WE would be happy with a new Bad Boys film. Your ability to accurately portray the buddy cop comedy of two oh so bad cops who don’t play by the rules is indeed great, and I must say, wholly original (cough).

But my sources tell me that you are now fast messing up a mutant ninja turtles movie. I must ask: why? Is it the money? Mr we both know there is probably 15 movie ideas being thrown around this very minute in hollywood that’s more your style, and would draw your audience in just as it did with transformers. All you need is explosions, hot women, and a sassy black sidekick. There, that’s your script. No, don’t mention it, really take it. As long as you agree to leave things like transformers and mutant ninja turtles alone. Its embarrassingly obvious that all its rich backstory and soul is lost on you, so just, just don’t.

Thank you Mr Bay, I believe we really made progress today. What’s that?...
...
You are making a FOURTH transformers movie?
….
Fuck you Mr Bay. Fuck you

Aiddon said...

geez, what franchise is he going to try and destroy next?

Stefan Sasse said...

When Michael Bay says "completely loveable", it sounds almost like "completely laughable".

Anonymous said...

@James Hammet

Yeah, because it's the Frank Miller piss-take comic book that people think of when they hear the words Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

You can't see it, but I'm rolling my eyes.

TMNT was a shitty half-hour animated toy commercial, just like every other American produced cartoon from the 80's...including Transformers. Frankly, Bay's series was an appropriate and eerily accurate representation of the disregard to narrative quality the original series had...because it was a fucking cartoon and nobody gave a shit.

Not to say that you CAN'T get a good story out of these franchises, obviously quality can be applied to damn near anything with enough effort. But to expect it, or worse demand it, from a cartoon about monster turtles that can do ninja stuff...with 'tude? Yeah...no.

kevmon1116 said...

At some point in the future, "Bay" is going to be used in movie lingo to describe a director working on a licenced project who clearly has no f-ing clue what they're doing.

IE. "That guy making the new 'Super Friends' movie is a total Bay!"

Aliens... fuck!
Can someone hire Deadpool to murder this guy?

Smashmatt202 said...

"404 Error"

But I'll take you're word for it.

...Fuck. That is all.

NathanS said...

Right it's official, this man needs to be stopped. NOW. Who's' willing to fall on their sword of the rest of nerd culture.

Anonymous said...

That'll do Mr. Bay. That'll do.

-Dizzy