Tuesday, September 04, 2012

"Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters" is EXACTLY what you thought it was

There will come a day when even I am finally tired of "Movies that sounds like parodies but played totally straight so that fellow prospective audience-members who aren't in on the irony are part of the joke" filmmaking. But it is not this day...




Y'know what I love most about this trailer? More than HALF of it seems to be shots of weapons being opened, loaded, unfolded, cocked, drawn or assembled. Remember when the joke was that people in action movies never reloaded their guns, and now there's more reloading than shooting.

22 comments:

Eze said...

The fact that this is happening is either an example of Hollywood getting more awesome, or Hollywood being out of ideas.

It could be both.

That said, my money is still in my pocket...for now...

The Mason said...

Is that Jeremy Renner playing Hansel?!? WTF?!!?

Eze said...

and that's Gemma Arterton as Gretel.

And, this movies was produced by Adam McKay and Will Ferrell?

And directed by Tommy Wirkola, responsible for Dead Snow, which I know from watching a review of said movie?

Wow...

Lido said...

and thus was born the unnatural spunk baby of Van Helsing and Season of the Witch

Joe said...

Maybe there needs to be a version of Poe's Law for film trailers?

"Without a blatant display of humor or irony, it is impossible to create a parody of Hollywood silliness that someone won't mistake for the real thing."

Aiddon said...

I couldn't stop laughing throughout the ENTIRE trailer. This looks like Van Helsing all over again. What I find funny movies like these is that they all come off as REALLY bad Castlevania film wannabes.

motyr said...

Goddamnit, a remix of one of my favourite Nine Inch Nails songs playing as the soundtrack made me like this trailer way, way more than I should have.

The Bagwellian said...

Gretel pretty.

This is all I can manage to get past the cloud of WFT in my brain.

Omegalittlebob said...

Unlike Van Helsing, I think this movie understands just how ridicules its premise is, and is embracing it wholeheartedly.

I say, Hell To The Yes!!! (please don't suck)

McIntosh said...

I don't know, it doesn't look great but it doesn't look that bad eithe- wait wait wait hold up. Did I just see a bit where Gretel gets captured so it's up to the manly man to go save her? Okay yeah this film now looks shit.

Rarer Monsters said...

This movie looks so boring. Seriously. It's Van Helsing. This movie is boringer Van Helsing.

What is the premise even... what if Hansel and Gretel grew up to be entirely different characters who are witch hunters? WELL THEY'RE NOT HANSEL IN GRETEL! They are in no way Hansel and Gretel because they bear no similarity to the character.

This isn't a movie, this is things that a marketing group think that bored college students will ironically think is cool.

Arturo said...

Apparently, Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter made its money back.

Anonymous said...

So, we're going to have guns... gatling guns at that... in the middle ages. So, is Arthurian Punk going to be a think now, in the vein of Steam Punk? And if we're going to have characters in medieval England, could they at least have English accents?

Unknown said...

it pisses me off they call them hansel and gretel but w/e. nothing is original

-F. said...

This looks just self-aware enough to have a chance of being awesome, if they manage to pull off some satisfying action scenes.

"And if we're going to have characters in medieval England, could they at least have English accents"
Europe does not equal England. With names like Hansel and Gretel, my money's on Germany.

Chris said...

Looks like a fun rental at least. It actually looks like they are going for an Evil Dead angle in terms of comedy to horror ratios.

Admit it, if this had Sam Raimi's name behind it, the movie looks a little differently.

Jay Blanc said...

19th Century Europe is not 'The Middle Ages'. Yes, they really did have guns. Yes, they *really did have Gatling guns*.

lemonvampire said...

Van Helsing was ridiculously campy but it was also based on a long history of ridiculously campy films, so in a way it kind of works.

Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter was just serious enough to not be openly mocking itself so that it pulled off being a legitimately serious action film with a completely absurd premise.

This looks like it's just going to try a little too hard to be self-aware and to wink at the audience, so that in the end it ends up just being genuinely stupid rather than intentionally stupid.

Joe said...

@-F:

Europe does not equal England. With names like Hansel and Gretel, my money's on Germany.

Thank you. No offense to any English, Welsh, Scots or Irish out there, but I'm kind of tired of British Isles accents being assumed for anything remotely resembling a fantasy or period piece. 50 years ago in Paths of Glory you had Hollywood actors playing French soldiers, and no one felt the need to put on an affected French or British accent.

Anonymous said...

@ -F
I don't think anybody claimed Europe equals England. They had people in that trailer talking in English accents, so I assume it takes place in England. Regardless, the main actors with American accents are a little jarring.

@ Jay Blanc
There was no indication in that trailer that this takes place in the 19th century. The set pieces look a lot older.

Jay Blanc said...

@Anonymous

The story it's self (As with every other Grimm tale) is from 19th century europe. The film's sets and dress do look quite 19th century europe to me. (There's at least on Biedermeier architecture building!)

Safaia said...

Jeremy Renner obviously has bills to pay. I can't fault him for that. Also he's in a lot of leather shooting off guns. So I'll be there opening day. /no shame