Monday, June 24, 2013

Is "Jurassic Park 4" Just a Remake of "Jurassic Park?"

I've had a standing-policy about "Jurassic Park 4" for as long as "Jurassic Park 4" has been a possible thing: I will remain nominally positive about the idea of "Jurassic Park 4" up until the (inevitable) point where they decide - for the third fucking time - to waste one of the most potential-laden premises in modern scifi (an excuse for any dinosaur ever to show up anywhere in the world and cause mayhem) by just setting the whole damn thing on the island. Again.

Yes, we all loved the first movie, but why they seem to assume that it was the theme-park location and not the awesome fucking dinosaurs that made it so popular. We've seen the island (no, Part 2 technically being a different island doesn't matter) three times, once was enough, I wanna see a Triceratops stomping around a major city with one or more dudes impaled on his horns, or something similarly awesome.

So, anyway, Joblo thinks they have the basic plot details of the now-in-pre-production JP4; and not only are we back on Isla Nublar again... we're basically back in the first movie again:

According to Joblo's source, the big pitch this time is "what if the first movie had been BIGGER?" Set an unspecified number of years after Part 3, the main setting is supposedly a completed, open and fully-functioning Jurassic Park built on the site of the original. The rides are working, most of the animals have been tamed and it's a huge international tourist destination just like John Hammond had envisioned.

I'll admit: I'm morbidly curious to see this movie (or just read this script) to find out what kind of epic handwave is invoked to justify the idea of anyone re-starting Jurassic Park after everything that's already happened. Interestingly, it seems to borrow at least some basic DNA from John Sayles' infamous JP4 treatment featuring humanoid, weapon-toting dinosaur commandos as heroes: The action apparently involves a new strain of aggressive dinos causing trouble at the park and the use of "tamed" Velociraptors to resist them.

Maybe this is legit, maybe not, but what it does sound like is a disappointing mix of boring and dumb. Okay, fine, I got like 75% of what I've been hoping for out of a "Jurassic Park" sequel from "Dragon Wars;" but I'd still been hoping for more than this...